Listening in Public Spaces Reflection
I attended a virtual discussion titled “Listening in Public Spaces: An Act of Inclusion and Social Justice.” Leading the discussion were Traci Ruble, therapist and founder of Sidewalk Talk and Tecca Thompson, educator and Sidewalk Talk listener.
Sidewalk Talk is a non-profit organization with chapters around the world dedicated to creating communities of listeners. Listeners will set up chairs in public spaces and they do just what their name suggests — they listen to members of the community, connect with people and maybe help them feel a little less lonely.
Most striking was how Ruble and Thompson demonstrated Sidewalk Talk’s heart-centered listening. Each shared an emotional, personal story. For Ruble, it was a painful experience she hadn’t shared before.
Thompson went first and after her story, Ruble asked her permission to reflect and asked if there was anything Thompson needed from her at that moment. Thompson granted her permission and Ruble relayed a bit of what she heard.
They switched roles from storyteller to listener and Ruble shared. The same happened; Thompson reflected Ruble’s story and let her take her time when she felt emotional.
One of the most valuable take-aways that I found from the discussion, which was profound and quite heavy itself, was their method of heart-centered listening.
I’d always thought of communication in two ways: you either provide solutions or experience-relate. I tend to be an experience-relater where someone will tell me something and I’ll say I understand and provide a story from my own life that shows why I understand.
I remember reading about speech communities, particularly in relation to gender, and those in masculine speech communities preferred solutions to problems while those in feminine speech communities tended to show support and form relational connections.
The two forms of listening often lead to misinterpretations between people in different speech communities. Solutions people would think an experience-relater is trying to make it all about themselves while an experience-relater might think, “I don’t want you to try to fix me.”
I was amazed to see that there’s another type of listening that does neither. Ruble and Thompson did not make suggestions, did not try to fix each other’s situation and did not bring their own experiences as to not take away from each other’s story.
The phrase “holding space” came up a lot and I think that perfectly summarizes this style of listening: allowing someone the space to open up and process their thoughts, no judgment, no self-insertion.